Confessions from a Reforming Control Freak

Ah, yes. God works with me in many ways by having children. And I would have it no other way. It is good for me to admit, even now, that I can be somewhat of a control freak given the right opportunity. The Before 50 person within me was truly a controlling person. Marrying late, I was used to things the way they were "supposed to be" and felt the need to keep controlling. Sharing my life and my "control" with God first of all and then a husband has been an ongoing process that has good days and tough ones. We have babies and what am I tempted to do? Control..when they eat, when they sleep, even upon potty training, what happens? I'm trying to control when they "go!" I had a blank slate of 2 people to control! God has worked hard with me, but as my daughters have become teens, the lessons are there and waiting to happen.

My "inner control freak" wants to tell my daughters at times "you should wear your hair a different way, it will be prettier." There is nothing wrong with it, just possible they may look back and say "oh, it would have looked better this way." What woman, especially, does not look back at teen pictures of ours and think that? But no, the controlling person comes out and rears its head. Age-appropriate decisions. That is what I need to remember. I need to guide them, nudge them gently, and not control. Two daughters, two different personalities. Now growing into wonderful young ladies. I am truly blessed. Every situation seems to be a teaching opportunity. I cannot put them in the playpen if I'm stressed and give them some toys for awhile and control the circumstances. Work, guide, and communicate. If they learn a lesson the hard way, I must remind myself, "who hasn't?" and let them learn the lesson within the structure of home for now.

A well-meaning person? Yes. But controlling is not the way I need to show it. I must be there for them, guide them in Godly principles, and make sure that is a top priority. My children are a work in progress, and I often tell them they're "not done cookin' yet." I am too, and prayerfully am just ahead of them enough to be the example they need to see, guidingem, and knowingt to pull the reins too tight, using God as my example. Every day has to have time for this, time that cannot be scheduled. It is seen and the teaching moments are ours, a gift from God. They cannot be controlled, organized, but are some of the best parts of our day.


the Moms said...

I know how you feel. Sometimes you just want to tell them what you think will be the right thing for them to do, instaed of watching them make a mistake. But for most things, we have to let them try and fail sometimes. And we have to trsut that we raised smart kids who know the difference between rith and wrong.
Thanks for the follow-I'm a new follower!

Theresa said...

Children are great at teaching us lessons. There is a fine line between guiding and controlling. It's admirable that you check yourself and allow your own evolution while you raise your kids. It's the best we can do.

Char said...

Oh Denise, I feel like I am in the same boat. I'm a total control freak and sometimes I feel like God is having a good chuckle watching me with my one and two year olds. I'm just too tired to control everything anymore so now I'm just trying to learn how to choose my battles wisely. I'll take any advice you can give me!
The Epic Adventures of a Modern Mom

Tammy said...

Oh girl...I am so like that too. I have learned to lighten up in this area for my own sanity and for my family's! It makes life so much better. Today I should be cleaning the house but it's okay if it's not perfect. It helps to let go!

Thanks for sharing your story! I am your newest follower from the bloghop. Thanks for linking up with us today! :)

Dee said...

Hi Char- Not an easy thing to advise. I'm reforming, remember? :). I choose the battles too, (with my spouse as well). And I try to breathe and recognize IF I'm trying to control again and why. Through the years, I'm learning to let my kids learn many lessons without my control. It's much more effective and just works better all around. My sanity is usually more intact as well. If you'd like to email me, I can always share more about my successes and failures in this area. :)