Biological Time vs. Calendar vs. Clock

Fairly early in my youth I came to the conclusion that I wanted a family, specifically a daughter, as many children do.  I had it all planned out and as I would "play house" with my dolls and with friends, I just knew that would be me.  I thought of finding a husband as an event, not a process, where one would truly ride on his white horse and find me.  That was life before 50.....along the road of life, career pursuits were coming first.  Why?  Because I allowed them to.  In my mid 30s, I came to the conclusion this was not going to happen.  Who needed it after all?  However....the biological clock was ticking and I wanted a daughter.  Prayer was not dropping that magical husband out of the sky either.  I investigated adopting as a single mother.  I suddenly felt that I was late for everything.....TIME.....We're all given the same 24 hours, no more, no less.  It extends for no one.  I had suddenly found myself thinking I was late for marriage, late to have a child, and late to pursue the dreams of my childhood that stayed with me.  Time can be our enemy or our friend.

Yes, my clock was ticking.  However, upon attending church I spotted my then-to-be husband and about a year later we were married.  Our pastor gave me away and as I walked down the aisle with him during the rehearsal practicing, he seemed to be going quickly.  Time again.....however, now I had control.  I did not want to rush this moment, both in rehearsal and at the actual wedding.  I told him I waited 39 years for this moment and I did not want to rush down the aisle!  That dream came true.  Years of life experience and hopefully wisdom had made me see that this was not a fairytale.  What is?  But I was not late.  Yet, in the world's eyes I "married late..."  I was blessed with not one daughter, but two a short time after and they are 17 months apart.  I was 40 and 42 upon giving birth.  Was I late??? Not in my eyes.  I had two daughters.  My whole universe had changed.  My children are 14 and 15 now, and as I teach them about using their time wisely it brings me back to the use of time and how relative it is in the big picture.  I was thrilled to be pregnant, change diapers, and the whole process.  Late?  So what.  I had no clue about being high risk due to my age, and no one used the term with me that we hear about now.  I was blessed, not late. 

Many issues I will share about will be things that can be related to as 30, 40 and 50 comes and goes.  I am not late, high risk.  The biological time did not win.  I feel 25 inside, so for all intents and purposes the calendar is not winning.  We will deal with the clock as we walk this journey, and as I work with my teens to deal with it as well as the rest of us.

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