Parenting of teen lesson (yet again)

I find myself so often thinking that because I became a mother late in life, I will have all of this wisdom to pass on. Whenever I get caught up in this almost proud mode, I am truly humbled. My oldest teen daughter had been going against the grain a bit (nothing too earth shattering but it wasn't like her) and we were not really seeing eye to eye. Being a person to tackle issues head on I went to her one day and said "something is wrong." We both agreed and after a long conversation and dealing with basic expectations and where they were at, I realized that I had been working and thinking things were okay, yet there were many things that were left from when she was 12 or so that were not okay then, but that would be now as she is 16. She was functioning under the 12-year-old guidelines, and trying to do more without my knowing not realizing she could simply come to me and ask. She told me she figured I would still say no, not realizing that she had changed in age. Something so simple....I had dropped the ball and not communicated consistently throughout the years about so many things that had become okay now that she didn't realize. She had just assumed that I would say no, or to use her expression, would "flip out."

Lessons before 50 actually came for her....the importance of communicating. She would have had nothing to lose, and that was valuable for her to see. So it was a duet of lessons still coming. We have both agreed to be totally honest and if any expectations are broken we will talk it through immediately. My lesson specifically.....the doors of communication are reestablished and always open. Nothing is more important
at this point in both of our lives. The diaper changing days are over, the trust was established as we do our part as mothers of little ones. But now, the trust is established for a purpose and that was suddenly clear to me. The purpose goes much deeper for each child, while we as parents desire to impact their lives in a special and unique way.

The door today was then also open so that we were able to talk more about music, favorite songs, etc and she brought up the discussion. Score one for the lesson learned before 50.........and my door and heart were open to hear what she had to say and I know we will have a series of discussions now.....score one for the lesson learned and continuing to be learned after 50.

Have a great weekend and be a wonderful listener and open your heart to hear your children. They have a lot to say!
Denise

2 comments:

Nicole Buckingham said...

I love that your willingness to learn from and with your daughter is a lesson to her too on the ongoing process that learning is.

Aloha,
Following ya from the hop and stopping by to invite you to join me at localsugarhawaii.com where life is sweet, often messy, but always sweet.

xoxo,
Nicole
localsugarhawaii.com

Lisa Weidknecht said...

Thanks for joining the Planet Weidknecht Weekend Hop!